We hear it time and time again; "Don't ever change for anyone." Or, "Don't expect anyone to change for you." This is true to an extent, depending on how you define this word we call change.
We all define ourselves as certain types of people with certain types of quirks; this is what I do on the weekends, this is what I like to do in the Summer, this is how I am when hunting season is here, this is how I eat my so-in-so, this is how I am with my girl friends, this is how I am with the guys, that's just how I talk...I believe that when someone feels the need to change for someone or when we feel the need to change them, we confuse 'change' with 'accommodate'.
I am personally at fault for this. I've lived it and have also seen it with my own eyes, as should you. You're around a person and their family, and they are one way. You are around them with their friends, and they are another. We all have a natural sense to adapt to our surroundings, thus setting this same expectation of adaptation with others. Though, some only adapt when they want to and not for every occasion.
Majority of the time, you begin dating someone because of how they are with you. You fall for them because of the way they make you feel when you're together. Yeah, he/she has some things about them that you don't necessarily like or agree with, but you go along with it in hopes that they will remain the way they are with you, then someday grow out of this 'other' person they portray to be around others. This person adapts to his/her surroundings and accommodates for their settings. How do you know which personality or 'way' this person really is? How do you know that the person they are with you, is their true person? We tend to believe that this person is who they truly are based on how they are with us, forgetting or not seeing who they really truly are as a person.
Altering some not-so-good points of yourself around certain people is not considered changing yourself. And seeing it as a 'change' is simply you being stubborn in not wanting to try and do something a little different to accommodate for someone else's feelings or standards. We live in a day and age where we don't want to change anything or work toward doing things different at all. Whether it's the time of day we eat, words we say out of habit or how we react to things simply because our way of doing these things are from constant habit over time.
"If it has worked up until this point, why would I put forth effort into slightly conforming my ways for someone else?"
(Uhh, probably because you supposedly love this person? Maybe?)
This seems to be our mentality, and we don't even want to talk about or consider meshing our lives with someone else's because we may have to alter some things on our end.
Are people not one way single, and another way when they're dating someone (or should be)? Well that's a form of accommodating for your current relationship status situation. Or you could call that 'change'. People will admit all day long that relationships take work, sacrifice and more effort than one can even imagine. And saying it comes easy, but when it comes down to actually doing it, everyone backs up or stalls and screams 'you're trying to change me'. It's an aggravating tick with me - it always has been. There are no 2 people the same, obviously. And like I stated before, meshing 2 different lives and co-existing with the many differences is a major task. But I personally believe that if you aren't being asked to transform yourself from Christian to Atheism, change your sex or identity, or alter yourself in any way that deflects from your core values, then change and accommodation is a must for both parties. I mean, lets get real here - you can't act single when you're in a relationship. You cannot do things that a single person does when you're in a relationship. And if you do, you are wasting each other's time and showing the most disrespect for your partner.
But I guess here is where people feel as though their toes are being stepped on. "Don't come walking into my life trying to change who I am." Ok, again - unless you are asked to change the listed points in the previous paragraph, no one is expecting you to 'change' yourself.
It's rare that both parties are fully aware of the give on both sides. Everyone sees strictly what they are expected to do; how they are expected to be; what they are expected to do differently; what they need to change. (Newsflash - you're in a relationship, so it's not all about you. Sorry, not sorry.) But they rarely see what the other person has changed/accommodated for already without even being asked to do so.
Again, it's a give and take. But realizing all the factors is what's going to keep it together and solid. Without realization of the situation at whole, you're both doomed.
Strictly my opinion, but I will say it for the 4,769,243rd time:
Love is not angry.
Love is not one-sided.
Love is not about retaliation.
Love is not disrespectful.
Love is not shameful.
Love is not selfish
Love is not all about you.
Love is not jealousy, or tendencies of.
Love is not jealousy, or tendencies of.
Love is not unreciprocated expectations.
Love is not meant to be a score-card.
Love is not temporary.
Love is not hurtful.
It is not about you,
And it is not about me;
Love is about 'us'.
It is not about you,
And it is not about me;
Love is about 'us'.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
