Lucky Girl in an OCD World

Hooked on hand sanitizer? Lip Chap? Do you iron ev-er-y-thing? Is your closet organized to a T? Ahhh, "no worries", they say, "Quirks like those can usually be chalked up to personality or preference." But are they really? In some cases, I believe they may point to a more serious issue liiiiiike the infamous obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Which issssssss commonly known as a condition marked by obsessive thoughts and compulsions that only really affect about 1% of U.S. adults.

Whether you're a Washer, Checker, Doubter, Re-Doer, Counter, Arranger or Hoarder: I believe we all share the same anxiety! So all you non-OCDers out there; let's get level.

The Behavior Checker

Imagine that feeling you get when you have that lingering song stuck in your head. It's pretty much torture in your world. Well, imagine, instead of that song replaying that same line over and over again, you feel the urge to get out of bed and check the oven 3, 4, or even 20 times to make sure it's off. While you pass back by the front door after check #7, the front door lock check has now been added to the oven check. As you walk down the hall to go back to bed, you realize that when you vacuumed yesterday, you must have either A) didn't get the hallway good enough or B) it's time to vacuum again. As you begin to vacuum (really quick because it's late and past time for bed), you realize that the vacuum cleaner is making your place smell like dust and burnt soot. So after you vacuum, you turn on your Scensy...of course, this calls for decision-making on a new scent. So cleaning out the original wax is a must, then after replacing, done! There. Every problem is solved.

Until...you crawl back in bed and start worrying that that one Scensy you bought may be the very one that is defective, and if you leave it on over night, it will cause a power surge and catch fire. Or, maybe switching to a new scent while you sleep may mess with your sinuses. So maybe I should either turn it off or take meds...? Should I really go on? Because there have been times, I have attempted to hit the sack at 8pm, and didn't quite make it there until around midnight. The obsessive part of the OCD is the worst. The intrusive, unwanted, disturbing thoughts that just will-not-go-away have sometimes drove me to drinking...literally.

The Organizer

I admit - sometimes I take organizing to the level of perfectionism. It has to feel just right. It has to look just right. Everything has to be symmetrical, in the right genre and be the right number. I can honestly say, my fussiness with my safe-haven (home) is often times - ok all the time - driven by obsessions about order and symmetry.

There are people who are perfectionist control freaks. And truth be told, they love every meticulously planned minute of it (I think I would throw myself also in this particular category at different times). There is also a clinical diagnosis for that as well: obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. OCPD is where the 'being neat' aspect comes in at. It's like OCD without the anxiety and fear of getting hurt or dying.

Fears of Violence

I really don't like to talk about this one. Everybody has fleeting thoughts about the possibility of being affected by violence or other misfortunes. But studies show, the more OCDers try to avoid thoughts like this, the more they pop into our heads. They say, we could be trying harder to suppress these thoughts, or that we react more intensely to them because we deem them as unacceptable acts. They constitute their popping up as prominent fears so often felt with the above statements...I'm not real sure what I think about this one yet. Meh.

The Counter

Then there's the counter. I'm not big on this one, but I have caught myself offering up vital numeric information in a conversation about something that happened prior to the discussion. It's not that I purposely counted whatever it was that I counted, it's just that I'm attentive when it comes to symmetry, which leads to odd verses even numbers, which eventually leads to seeing if something or some things are symmetrical. Hints the reason why I pretty much know all the time how many of what were where at a given time. I know, weird. Sorry.

The Washer

I've never had this ritual obsession - God I hope I never do!

I  like to think my own OCD/OCPD has been in check for a while now. I still do have tendencies -- while performing one task, I notice another needing to be done, then another then another. Then before I know it, I'm clogging old nail holes in my walls with white toothpaste at an attempt to at least make the black dots not seem so noticeable on the tan wall. I obsess over details, almost reach death when I don't have my lip chap with me, and worry about stupid crap that matters none. Still, it's way better than it was!

I hear a lot of people say, "Omg I'm so OCD!" Then you find that they are actually just among that group we OCDers like to call, "quirky". Let's be clear: If you regularly check your pockets to confirm that you still have your car keys, or if you prefer your sandwiches with the crust cut off, or if you only eat pink Starbursts, you're not suffering from OCD. Trust me. Those are just quirks, and also -- the pink Starburst are obviously the best, I might add! People like quirks when they're cute, fun, and harmless. But when they start taking over your emotions and physically effecting you when they trigger, people just think you're crazy. Sometimes you start believing it yourself. You'll be standing in your bathroom at three in the morning, painting your toenails or plucking your eyebrows because it's going to be a pretty day Saturday and you want to wear those open-toed sandals. So you've been awake for hours wondering if you were going to have time to do it between now and Friday, which is still 4 days away, but still. Who knows if there will be a zombie apocalypse between now and then - there won't be time to do it. You aren't able to stop, but at the same time, you know what you're doing is absolutely crazy.

I have been told (or I think I read somewhere) that people with OCD and personality disorders usually think they are always in the right. So hey! That pretty much sums up why I think I'm always right!! But actually, one of the defining aspects of OCD is knowing that your thoughts and actions are completely bizarre and that your rituals (no matter why) are completely senseless. I mean, I don't even get any joy, excitement or fulfillment out of my compulsions. It actually just stresses me out even more at the end of my ritual. Do I get relief? Sure, but it's only temporary, like scratching a mosquito bite or poison ivy. I don't want to touch all the stuff on the shelves in the store as I pass by, but I have to.