Another thought arises - and no, it shouldn't shock you too much; only because, if you know anything about me, you know that I have a lot to say about everything. The thing is, I've been told (and I myself also believe) I just shouldn't voice it - most of the time! But the great part about this blog is, it's MY blog! How gratefully wonderful that must be! To be able to pretty much voice my opinion on anything I wish...If you are afraid to read the facts of life discussed below, your future judgment (if read) is not welcomed, so I would refrain from reading on. If, however, you are an open-minded individual who has once or many times before felt stupid for something you have heard or said to someone and later commenting on it before you find out the truth -- or by finding out later that the story you THOUGHT was the real story was not at all, and now you are ashamed for thinking the way you thought about someone in particular, then let the reading continue...
I believe Ayn Rand quoted it best when she said:
"People think that a liar gains a victory over their victim. What I have learned, is that a lie is an act of self-abdication, because one surrenders one's reality to the person to whom one lies, making that person one's master condemning oneself from then on to faking the sort of reality that person's view requires to be faked...The man who lies to the world, is the world's slave from then on...There are no white lies, there is only the blackest of destruction, and a white lie is the blackest of all."
I do have to disagree with the "there are no white lies" part. Because circumstances change and decisions are swayed before getting back to someone with a different explanation. However, a lie is a lie. And a white lie, in my book, is dishonesty no matter how you look at it. Now, a lie told about another lie, is just plain disrespectful. Then a lie told about the lie that was told about the original lie? Well, that just has destruction written all over it, no matter who you are.
If you've ever been lied to, you know how difficult it can be to ever trust that person again. You can't help but wonder why a friend or family member would do that to you, and say they loved you at the same time. When going through any kind of hardship or turmoil with someone, there are bound to be lies. There are egos at stake, there is self-worth to maintain, and mostly - no one wants to disappoint anyone. All of this is understandable. When you lie, even if you think others will never find out, you will almost certainly create a barrier of hurt in your existing relationship. Unfortunately, when the other person finds out about your lying (and they usually do), it is nearly impossible to regain trust again. Only because once someone lies to you, it somehow always happens again...and again and again. What are you wanting your relationships to be based on; lies that you tell, in order to protect yourself, or to avoid conflict? Or do you want your relationship to be based on a commitment to honesty and integrity, regardless of the hard times? You decide which, and then you decided which you will accept from the other involved.
When people continue to lie, it’s like putting a giant rock on their back and having to carry it around everywhere they go. It is a relationship destroyer that ends up destroying you. Lying destroys us because it takes us into a vicious cycle that is extremely difficult to get free from. Once you tell a lie, you usually have to lie again to cover up the first lie, and you feel even worse. People who are trapped in a cycle of lying become controlled by fear - a fear of not only being found out as a liar, but also having the truth uncovered about themselves. It all comes down to this: Lying comes with a huge cost - it destroys lives. Relationships will crumble and people will refuse to trust you. And don't mistaken the fact that - the person most hurt by your lying is NOT the person you are bad-mouthing, it is you.
But then, what happens when you are confronted with the truth and so, asked to help sort it out. This is the time where one decides - do I tuck my tail and absorb the fact that they know the truth and discuss ways to resolve the issue at hand, orrrrrrr do I create another issue along with the current issue and lie about my previous lie...when I'm already being called out on lying in the first place? This my friends, is a mind game in my world. It's called 'wanting to have the upper hand' or not wanting to succumb to the fact that you told a big fat lie for no reason whatsoever - or furthermore, flat out not wanting to agree to the fact that you got caught lying. Not to mention, if the someone you are lying to is risking their own finances, job and personal business in order to help you and sort things out - it is absolutely disrespectful to continue the shenanigans.
Now, what happens when people suck other people (outside the relationship or situation) into the lies. They seek other people to lie to so they will give them a sense of comfort in making up for their own condemnation of wrong-doing that they have caused in another area. They gain a sense of comfort by then lying to someone else about the fact that they lied to you. This not only makes them look innocent and gives them a sense of self-worth, it makes you look retarded and also causes those people to cast a negative outlook on you: the very person who was trying (and did) help all along. This is a huge negative quality in someone, or what I like to call, a 'red flag'. No matter how you think about it or how much you try and sort it out, it is what it is. Other people they begin to speak to soon start forming negative opinions about you for no God-given reason at all based on their elaborative story they are telling. Every time they speak on the matter, they look illiterate and oblivious to what really happened. And most of the time, the person being thought negatively of should be thanked, and appreciated for what they've done. They are actually fighting you tooth and nail in order to bring some kind of justification to themselves about how they are a dishonest person. And what is funny is, deep down, they know the truth.
You never truly know someone or how they truly are. So next time someone 'TELLS' you something about someone, try not to be sassy about them without either finding out the truth, or giving the one-sided story you were told, the benefit of the doubt. Because 9 times out of 10, you are talking out the side of your face and looking very, very bad.
Lies are deceitful; that's no secret. And it's not wrong for someone to walk away simply because they cannot help with an issue for lack of receiving the truth. Anyone would be smart enough to know this.
A faithful witness will not lie: but a false witness will utter lies.
Proverbs 14:5
