You thought that being perplexed was an excuse to stop appreciating her. You let your past, your pride, your demons, your selfishness and the fact that you are weak and scared be a validation for why you treated her the way you did. And you lost her, the one girl you needed to appreciate.
You didn't give her all of you and all of your love while making her think you were taking her on some crazy love adventure. You didn't hold her hand tight and teach her something new. You may have kissed her face a million times, or took her somewhere she’s always wanted to go, or even danced with her cheek to cheek and spoiled her with 'things' to make her feel special, but the most important thing was kept from her; your love and appreciation.
Believe it or not, this was the girl who changed your life. She was the one who was desperately trying to make you a better man. This was the girl who loved all of your wrongness, all those parts of you that hurt her the most, the parts that you hate about yourself. The girl who wiped your tears when you spoke about your dad and what he must have been like, the one who kissed your rough edges, who loved all of your roughness despite how ugly you treated her. Those parts of yourself that you only showed to her, even though they hurt her to the core, she adored them anyway. Her love for you somehow warmed your imperfections without you even realizing it, and you won't admit it, but it changed you somehow for the better.
This was the girl you needed to appreciate, because you know in your heart you will never give all of you like that to anyone else, and you know that no other girl will love you and your imperfections any better that she did. No one will put forth that much effort for such little gain.
Extraordinary love is rare. It means something. You needed to fight for it, to be a better man for her in order to have made an effort. You think choice means something. You think easiness is good. You think the more chances she gave you, the better you were. But trust me when I say, she is in your heart no matter how mad you portray yourself to be. Your roots have entwined together. You know that no matter what, she still looks at you as if you are magic, and you don't even notice a glimpse of it. All the while, in the back of your mind, deep down in your subconscious, you think there’s something better - but it’s all just an illusion that your ego is showing you.
This love was extraordinary. You want calm seas and smooth sailing, but the girl you fell for is opinionated and smart who doesn’t always agree with you. She is difficult, she requires effort; it was a challenge, it was work, but know this - the easy girl will never satisfy you. She may be sweet and kind, but her uninspiring ways will eventually leave you empty inside. She will always leave you wanting more, never fulfilling your needs.
You don't realize it, but dating her was not the end of your liberty, it was the beginning of it.
She argued with you because she cared. She craved so much more from you in order to grow with you - she had opinions and big dreams for your future as well as her own. She never let you get away with slacking on your talents and potential, and you think she was coming down hard on you for it. No matter how much she loved you, you never realized that eventually she would leave because you stop appreciating her.
Because she knows what you have, and she will never put up with not getting everything she deserves.
Whatever you did, you let her get away. It may have been difficult at times - she may have drove you crazy, she frustrated the hell out of you. But she never left you uninspired or unsatisfied. And she always allowed you back in when she shouldn't have.
You thought that no matter what you did, she would always be there because she loves you. That she would always take you back. But remember that you fell for the girl who isn't easy: as in, she won't just 'go with the flow' all of the time. She knows her worth. She knows the seriousness of what y'all had. She is the girl who will not settle for someone who doesn't put her first.
You didn't even know it, but you had a love that built, that made your soul alive, that made you a better man. You let this love get discarded for the next boring interest or side-chick. You lost this love because of your pride, your fears, your ego, your past and your selfish ways. Someone will value how special she is - someone will put in the effort that you didn't in order to be with her, and she will feel whole because of the appreciation she deserves.
Wake up and realize, she was worth appreciating. Because you didn't, you are the one who will suffer the most. You don't see it now, but you will soon enough.
So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love,
and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.
1 John 4:16
