Let me just start out by saying, I am NO relationship expert. Everything I believe, think and live by in my relationship is based strictly on experience; as I have been told it is the best teacher. I like to still consider myself as a young, vibrant woman, but wise beyond my years, and I tend to learn very quickly. My relationship experiences have taught me a great deal, and I have learned through the years what not to do to someone else, given the pain I have felt because of a specific action.
As young people, I believe our relationships tend to falter because one tends to have little to no respect for the other. I believe this stems from the fact that either we aren’t in tune to exactly what a good relationship requires and consists of, or maybe because our parents never had it, or because we're too immature on our relationship-road to understand our feelings or emotions when it comes to involving another person. I get so tired of people getting in potentially great relationships, gaining everything there is to gain from another person, then ruining it simply because they do not and will not listen to what the other person needs in order for both to be happy and to make the relationship-seal a happy bond. I have racked my brain over and over trying to break the confusion I have over this concept, and all I can figure is that it’s simply because the person just doesn't want to try any harder beyond their normal capability. Now - I will steer clear from mentioning infidelity in this blog, because as important as a topic as it is these days, I can see my ‘positive and informational’ blog suddenly turning negative, deceitful and bashing and I would never want to stoop the level of revealing my list of ex-boyfriend’s names publically on my blog/Facebook; especially when it would be calling them out on such a disgusting act of nasty, hurtful -- Okay see, there I go already...
So, first things first, I don’t care what you say: men and women are not that much different from each other. Our
similarities include, but are not limited to, the fact that we all demand
respect, attention, openness, faithfulness, and honesty. We all have our days
where we need our space, and we all have our days where we need our significant
other to counsel us. Which brings me to my main focus: For those of you who
down-right suck when it comes to acknowledgement, respect, or even making
someone smile for no reason by going slightly out of your way to do so, here
are a few absolute musts to go by. Or mark my word, your relationship is doomed...seriously.
1. You must first be friends - best friends.
You want an open relationship? Then you have to be open. The person you are with should know your true self if you want it to last. This person should know what makes you laugh, smile, and what pisses you off to no end. This means you should be silly together; talk about anything - even the stupid things. You should be able to act consistent around each other; meaning the same way you act with your home-girls or home-boys, you should act around them. Even if neither of you have much in common, as long as you are friends, it will not matter.
You want an open relationship? Then you have to be open. The person you are with should know your true self if you want it to last. This person should know what makes you laugh, smile, and what pisses you off to no end. This means you should be silly together; talk about anything - even the stupid things. You should be able to act consistent around each other; meaning the same way you act with your home-girls or home-boys, you should act around them. Even if neither of you have much in common, as long as you are friends, it will not matter.
2. Respect one another.
I have found that by assessing others, this little tip seems to be one that is hard for young people, because most barely respect themselves. I feel that arguments are 100% necessary in order to have growth in a relationship. I feel that arguing is a main key point to a healthy relationship, as is knowing how to argue. Going for the jugular or under the belt is one of the biggest downfalls I see in a relationship...along with sidebars. (Have you ever been in an argument, and about 10 minutes into it, you find that the two of you are now arguing about something totally different than the main focal point problem?) I fall victim to this as well, but we must learn to respect each other, stay on target even through our anger, and strive to accomplish an agreement or sincere apology in the end. That means no name calling. No matter how large the disagreement, if you want to be with this person afterwards, you should not degrade them or say things to make them hurt just because you don't like what they are saying to you. And by all means, please - never get physical. You will create wounds that will never heal properly, physically, mentally, or emotionally.
I have found that by assessing others, this little tip seems to be one that is hard for young people, because most barely respect themselves. I feel that arguments are 100% necessary in order to have growth in a relationship. I feel that arguing is a main key point to a healthy relationship, as is knowing how to argue. Going for the jugular or under the belt is one of the biggest downfalls I see in a relationship...along with sidebars. (Have you ever been in an argument, and about 10 minutes into it, you find that the two of you are now arguing about something totally different than the main focal point problem?) I fall victim to this as well, but we must learn to respect each other, stay on target even through our anger, and strive to accomplish an agreement or sincere apology in the end. That means no name calling. No matter how large the disagreement, if you want to be with this person afterwards, you should not degrade them or say things to make them hurt just because you don't like what they are saying to you. And by all means, please - never get physical. You will create wounds that will never heal properly, physically, mentally, or emotionally.
3. You have to be willing to compromise.
You are in a relationship - guess what, it isn't just about you. You have to take into account your partner’s feelings and emotions. Sometimes, you have to be willing to put yours on the back burner. Sacrifice something that won't hurt you if it is lost just for the sake and happiness of your relationship. You will be surprised what type of impact it will have on your partner’s emotions, as well as the respect, gratitude and sexiness that comes along with it. Your partner's happiness should be number one in everything you do, and should be on the forefront of your mind if you want it to last.
You are in a relationship - guess what, it isn't just about you. You have to take into account your partner’s feelings and emotions. Sometimes, you have to be willing to put yours on the back burner. Sacrifice something that won't hurt you if it is lost just for the sake and happiness of your relationship. You will be surprised what type of impact it will have on your partner’s emotions, as well as the respect, gratitude and sexiness that comes along with it. Your partner's happiness should be number one in everything you do, and should be on the forefront of your mind if you want it to last.
4. Be honest, truthful and open about everything when confronted.
The worst thing you can do in a
relationship is lie to a person who knows you better than you probably know
yourself. Honey, they will find out. I can’t tell you readers exactly how, but it has
been in my experience, that I am just that good…ha ha - just kidding. No, but for
real - Whether it's the next day, next week, next year, or years down the road, a lie will never stay a lie. If your
significant other asks you a question, please do not be a coward and lie or
tell half a lie. Be strait-up with them. I personally am a firm believer in God,
and He is a firm believer in me. He has never let me down, and I strive in
every way I can to do my best to live the way I should especially when I’m
trying to live my life RIGHT with someone else. God tends to always have my back, and
He tends to always let me know what I need to know in steering me where He feels I needs to go…sometimes it just
takes me longer to accept where He’s directing me.! And, on a personal note, if
you fear what you are about to say will ruin your relationship, then you've probably already ruined it. Most people fear honesty, when they really need to just
come down off their high-horse and just respect it more. Meaning, don't lie about who you know, where you have been, or what you have done. I am also a
firm believer in saying what you feel. Guys are always walking around playing
the victim yelling, “Well hell, I can’t read your mind, baby, I didn’t know…”
Well, we need to tell them (although, in my experience - this still doens't do the trick. But hey - it's the effort that counts, right?). You can't walk around upset about something, never tell your partner,
and expect them to know. A problem cannot be fixed if the problem is unknown.
This also goes for your profession of love to them. Always tell your lover what they are doing well. Support them. Praise them and thank
them, because they could always be with someone else. And nine times out of
ten, there is always someone else lined up...waiting…
5. Listen, Listen, LISTEN.
Listening is just as important as communicating. Cause baby, there is no point in talking if no one can hear you. This means you have to hear what your partner is saying, regardless if you agree with it.
6. Cater to your partner.
People - You have to let your loved one know they are loved. You have to DO, not just SAY. Whether you like it or not, words will never be enough, you must show someone how you feel. Words are merely a blob of invisible clear air you breathe that has to be backed and supported by the solidity of a proven action of respect, love and desire. You have to cater to them every once in a while. And I do NOT mean, after they have had enough and bitched about it. These things have to be done without being prompted to do so. Spur-of-the-moment dates, random gifts for no reason, be affectionate…I have said it so many times to so many people, and I believe I can speak for all the women in the world when I say; appreciation, respect, praise and acknowledgement are far more important to me than a million "I love you's" will ever be.
7. Be confident, not insecure...only if made to feel so.
One of the biggest relationship killers these days is insecurity and jealousy. A little jealousy to me, is a good thing; I think it's actually cute. Jealousy shows you care, as long as it isn't over the top and possessive. But don't let your jealousy overtake your insecurities. If you are with your partner, and they have earned your trust, then you should trust them, unless they break it. If your partner is remaining loyal to you then there is no reason for you to be insecure about anything. Don’t get mad if someone tries to get with your partner. I don’t think it is right to take out their attractiveness to others on them. The things that attract you to them in the first place don’t go unnoticed by others, as it didn’t with you when you first met. You should be proud that others value them enough to want them, because who wants to be with someone no one else wants? Now, the issue here is how your partner reacts when they are being approached. If the behavior is encouraged by your partner, I’m sorry, but there is a problem, and it should be addressed. But if your partner ignores the person or situation, that to me is the most greatest expression of respect and consideration to a woman. That tells her he wouldn't rather be with anyone else or desire anyone over her, and that to me, is part of emotionally sealing that permanent relationship bond with that special person. Without that bond, you have nothing.
8. Others should not know what is going on in your relationship.
5. Listen, Listen, LISTEN.
Listening is just as important as communicating. Cause baby, there is no point in talking if no one can hear you. This means you have to hear what your partner is saying, regardless if you agree with it.
6. Cater to your partner.
People - You have to let your loved one know they are loved. You have to DO, not just SAY. Whether you like it or not, words will never be enough, you must show someone how you feel. Words are merely a blob of invisible clear air you breathe that has to be backed and supported by the solidity of a proven action of respect, love and desire. You have to cater to them every once in a while. And I do NOT mean, after they have had enough and bitched about it. These things have to be done without being prompted to do so. Spur-of-the-moment dates, random gifts for no reason, be affectionate…I have said it so many times to so many people, and I believe I can speak for all the women in the world when I say; appreciation, respect, praise and acknowledgement are far more important to me than a million "I love you's" will ever be.
7. Be confident, not insecure...only if made to feel so.
One of the biggest relationship killers these days is insecurity and jealousy. A little jealousy to me, is a good thing; I think it's actually cute. Jealousy shows you care, as long as it isn't over the top and possessive. But don't let your jealousy overtake your insecurities. If you are with your partner, and they have earned your trust, then you should trust them, unless they break it. If your partner is remaining loyal to you then there is no reason for you to be insecure about anything. Don’t get mad if someone tries to get with your partner. I don’t think it is right to take out their attractiveness to others on them. The things that attract you to them in the first place don’t go unnoticed by others, as it didn’t with you when you first met. You should be proud that others value them enough to want them, because who wants to be with someone no one else wants? Now, the issue here is how your partner reacts when they are being approached. If the behavior is encouraged by your partner, I’m sorry, but there is a problem, and it should be addressed. But if your partner ignores the person or situation, that to me is the most greatest expression of respect and consideration to a woman. That tells her he wouldn't rather be with anyone else or desire anyone over her, and that to me, is part of emotionally sealing that permanent relationship bond with that special person. Without that bond, you have nothing.
8. Others should not know what is going on in your relationship.
Now - I can honestly say, it pisses me off to no end when people are up
in my business. Furthermore, it royally
pisses me off, when random people feel like my business is their business! And please - Never broadcast your relationship
problems to your friends or family. You'd be better off seeking advice from a
complete stranger. Friends and family won't always have your best interest at
heart. Their opinions will always be biased and they will always be on your
side. Besides that, they can use what they know about your relationship against
you. What happens when, you hate me tonight, and your best friend is making you
feel better by also ‘hating’ me. Then you and I make up, and tomorrow you love
me again. That best friend of yours, I’m sorry to say, he still ‘hates’ me from
last night! I’m just saying, they can judge you based off the decisions you
make to stay or leave or they can come between you and your mate later. Just
keep your mess private. And let me say this - GUYS - please don't let your
friends in on your sex life, because those ‘friends’ of yours may try to get
your goods later on…just trust me. Your relationship should be a separate
entity from your friendships and relationships with others - just my personal
opinion.
Wanna Make Him/Her
Smile?
And yes - it’s ok if you do some of these things for no reason at all…that’s kind of the point here.
*Text your partner when you aren't together to let them know you are thinking of them.
*Take care of their responsibilities; show they can count on you for important things.
*Tell them they were so right about something that’s not even important.
*Make an obvious sacrifice to spend time with them.
*Leave random notes for them around the house.
*Send your partner snail mail in the
mail.
*Make them a hand-made card or note.*Take care of their responsibilities; show they can count on you for important things.
*Tell them they were so right about something that’s not even important.
*Make an obvious sacrifice to spend time with them.
*Leave random notes for them around the house.
*Send your partner snail mail in the
mail.*Engage in and enjoy their hobbies.
*Encourage them.
*Cook for them.
*Hang out with their friends.
*Send them picture messages of yourself.
*Support them in everything...everything.
*Apologize often, even if you are not wrong.
*Let them be right, even if you think they aren't.
*Randomly tell them which qualities of theirs you admire.
*Look good for your partner; i.e. - make up, hair & perfume.
*Remember something they said that they thought you didn't hear.
*Notice when they do something challenging, and applaud their efforts.
*Surprise them with an unexpected gift they need or want for no reason.
*Invite them everywhere with you, even if you know they can't or won't come.
*Ask their advice on something important, and tell them their opinion means a lot.
*And my most favorite, and probably the most important of all, *Don't just say it, DO IT*
Just remember; most of the time, these only work when the
person making the effort to do them is receiving the same in return...
Awesome tips! I'm not sure if truer have ever been spoken!
ReplyDelete