"He won't lay a finger on you,
He won't wreck your pretty face.
But he'll tell you that you're worthless
Just to put you in your place."
Little Big Town, Evangeline
I came across this read, tweaked it a bit, and couldn't help understanding myself more. What more I had to be thankful for that lies ahead in my future. And the things I need to be looking forward to rather than the very things that have broke me down over the past several months.
They say you can't truly understand something until it happens to you. And they are absolutely right.
They say you can't truly understand something until it happens to you. And they are absolutely right.
When I was young, I remember hearing a story from a friend about a woman and a man who started fighting in the car in front of my friend. the woman ran from the car and the man followed, brutally beating her and a passerby who tried to help, in front of dozens of people staring in shock. Certainly after that she would leave him, wouldn’t she?
Only a few months later, we spotted the same woman, with the same man - in line together at a local restaurant. I asked myself for years following why in the world she would stay. She was an idiot. She knew better. It was an obvious choice. He had done it once, and he would do it again. She was an idiot.
Now I understand.
Alcohol is an ingredient many people add to many of their scheduled plans. Bon fires, live music, riding back roads, etc. But the plans that are actually planned, hardly ever go 'as planned' when you have alcohol involved. Accidental or not - drunk or not - remember or not...abuse is abuse. A hit is a hit. A punch is a punch. And a shove is a shove. Every single time.
So let's just say he really is sorry after this incident, and months go by and he actually doesn't do it again. People like that have to have an out for their anger, whether it is physical or verbal. Brace yourselves - it will come in other forms if he isn't being physical anymore. These other forms are known as emotional abuse and verbal abuse, and they hit just as hard as a physical punch or shove ever could.
“You’re a bitch”.
“You’re a whore”.
“I don't care".
"F*** you".
"Go hit a wall or something".
"Go hit a wall or something".
"Go cry about it some more".
These incidences escalated to the point where one night I sat sobbing on my patio. I felt worthless. My life at that given moment was meaningless. I had no one. I couldn't tell anyone, the judging alone would send me over the edge. My one close friend who knew about all the incidences assured me that I was too good and loyal to put up with being treated like that, and that I should leave; that I had no reason to stay. So why didn’t I leave?
With every low there is a high. With every fight, there is a morning full of regretful apologies, tears and promises of it never happening again. And for a while, everything is back to being perfect. Until it happens again...
And again, and again, and again.
It is at the very moment it's over for good; you have mustered up the courage to walk away. You will find yourself alone. You will then find that what you've put up with for far too long has beaten you down to the point you thought you would never end up. It's as if we become brainwashed, broken to the point where we actually believe things are our fault and that we actually deserved the abuse in some sick way. Somehow we start to believe that if we change, that if we could only be better for him, it would stop. But it never does.
I truly believe everything happens for a reason. This experience has opened my eyes to millions of women in this world who endure and accept physical and emotional abuse day after day after day. So often society judges these women so harshly when they choose to stay, but not everyone understands why. Until a woman completely realizes what she is experiencing in her relationship is wrong and is in no way, shape, or form true love, she will certainly stay. And you cannot judge her for that.
You may not know why she stays, but I do.
With every low there is a high. With every fight, there is a morning full of regretful apologies, tears and promises of it never happening again. And for a while, everything is back to being perfect. Until it happens again...
And again, and again, and again.
It is at the very moment it's over for good; you have mustered up the courage to walk away. You will find yourself alone. You will then find that what you've put up with for far too long has beaten you down to the point you thought you would never end up. It's as if we become brainwashed, broken to the point where we actually believe things are our fault and that we actually deserved the abuse in some sick way. Somehow we start to believe that if we change, that if we could only be better for him, it would stop. But it never does.
I truly believe everything happens for a reason. This experience has opened my eyes to millions of women in this world who endure and accept physical and emotional abuse day after day after day. So often society judges these women so harshly when they choose to stay, but not everyone understands why. Until a woman completely realizes what she is experiencing in her relationship is wrong and is in no way, shape, or form true love, she will certainly stay. And you cannot judge her for that.
You may not know why she stays, but I do.
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way,
showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel,
since they are heirs with you of the grace of life,
so that your prayers may not be hindered.
1 Peter 3:7
showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel,
since they are heirs with you of the grace of life,
so that your prayers may not be hindered.
1 Peter 3:7
No comments:
Post a Comment