The True Thanks I Owe You

I have had a lot of friends throughout the years. Some are still just that, others have become acquaintances, some are foes. There are the new ones I have picked up in the recent years with my job transitions, and the ones I have acquired through relationships. And then of course, there is the Best Friend of all time.

I have had a few best friends in my time, and even though I do not talk to some of them much, I know I can call them up today, and they would be there for me in a heartbeat. I love and care for these people so very much, and am blessed to have each one on my life. Of course, there is always one who stands out the most, and that is your very most bestest friend.

In my opinion, Urban Dictionary best defines what a Best Friend is; A very special person in one’s life. They are the first person you think about when you make plans. They are the first person you go to when you need someone to talk to. You will call them up just to talk about nothing, or the most important things in your life. When you are sad, they will try their hardest to cheer you up. They give the best hugs in the world. They are the shoulder you cry on, because you know that they truly care about you. In most cases they would take a bullet for you, because it would be too painful to watch you get hurt.

Now, although taking a bullet for a friend sounds a little extreme, everyone has that one best friend who they wouldn’t doubt for a second would jump in front of a speeding bullet heading their direction. I have a best friend like that:  Her name is Jessica Lynn Bennett.

Jess and Me

I met Jessica at Louisiana Tech, back somewhere around 2003ish. My then major was Rabb’s Steak House, Ponchatoula’s, and The Q-Stick, with a minor in Hungover and Sleeping Late. I was on the path of “you’re only getting older, financial aid is running out, and you have no credits in one particular field to account for the money you have received for college.” So---I decided to choose a major I would stick with. The easiest one to choose, was the one Jessica was in! Now, just because I finally declared a major, did not mean I still didn’t keep my minor in Rabb’s, Ponchatoula’s and The Q-Stick; because I did. It just meant I had someone now to carry me along! And she did JUST THAT!

Most of the time, when you have memories with someone, the combination of all the memories is that gives you that overall feeling about that person. Whether it’s good, bad, resentful, guilty or jealous – they are still your friend. The only feeling that ever comes to mind when I think of Jessica’s place with me, is nothing less than appreciation. Matt died in the Fall of 2006, and I can honestly say, had it not been for my Momma, I would probably not be here today - physically. I cannot describe the condition I was in with my many states of mind, the tormented emotions running through me daily, and just the grieving cycle itself that I had to experience on a day-to-day basis….let alone the out-of-body encounters I faced over and over for months. Though it is natural to just expect a parent to play the comforting role when needed with their child, (I’m not a mother) but I feel there is that unconditional feeling of just doing what is necessary as a mother. However, a friend has a choice to take on that role; to nurture and to comfort another friend – to be there even though they may not want to be or have the time to be. But make no mistake about it; my friend made no choice on that horrible day in November – her actions were nothing less than unconditional, and she gave herself no other choice but to be there for me, no matter what.

Jessica and Cody had been dating for roughly 3 years when my life was flipped upside down. And thinking back, all I remember is, they were together when Matt died, but they weren’t together a few weeks later. I never really focused on or thought about what she must have went through during that time in her life – of course, I was so consumed with what I was supposed to do with the rest of my life, I never thought to even ask later. But through the years, I have thought a lot about it. I have played several different scenarios out in my head about what could have happened between the two of them. And what I do know is, if Jessica was not a work or in class, she was with me. And although I missed work and school for the next 2 weeks, that didn’t mean everyone else didn’t carry on with their own life. And I don’t know if you have ever worked fulltime AND went to school fulltime, but combine that with the amount time she spent with me, and my mathematic skills tell me there was no time left for her. I cannot help but to feel guilty or at least partially responsible for what may have transpired in Jessica’s life back then.

I still had a year left to finish school. I didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t want to talk to or be around anyone but my Mom and Jessica. But what I can tell you, is my schoolwork was at my house to be completed every day. I was fed. I was encouraged. I was nurtured. I was pushed. I wasn’t felt sorry for. I wasn’t cried over. And we never discussed any of the negative sad stuff, unless I needed or wanted to. And even then, she tried her best to switch gears. She pushed me through, she kept me busy, she kept up my school work, and she was there for me every step of the way. It has been 6 years, and she has not let me down yet, not once.

I often think about what it would take to pay her back for all she has done for me. And there is no price. There is no gift, no favor, not a price for anything that would ever be enough. But what I can tell you is, as extreme as it sounds, I wouldn’t hesitate for a second about jumping in front of a speeding bullet heading her direction. She is my very bestest friend. And even though our lives may change, and someday we will split directions; I will never forget the friend I had when I needed her the most. I cannot say it anymore meaningful, and there is not enough emphasis on the way I could ever say it; but thank you.